50 Shades of Abuse Flyer - Canada
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Okay. I understood all the flack Twilight got for being an abusive relationship. Because it was and it was being read by a very young and impressionable audience. But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. Iit is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticizedfiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.
so i guess you didn’t read the parts where he coerces her and the part where he continues after she has used her safeword and acts like a fucking creep whenever they aren’t having sex
it is the worst possible introduction to BDSM i could imagine
i know my shit okay
im hoping the people defending this book are 1. never getting into BDSM 2. not currently into BDSM 3. havent read the book bc i dont want to believe anyone is that fucking stupid
knowledge on you right now.
Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.
So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things.
Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer.
Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser.
Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their submissive.
Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and misunderstand, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse.
And this post is going into my bookmarks, because it is beautiful.
What scares me most is the fact that people, misinformed and ignorant people, will now try to enter the community/find play partners with the dangerous ideas of what BDSM is. They won’t respect a sub, they won’t listen.
And that can seriously hurt people. People can DIE.
All of this. Anyone who is thinking about experimenting with a BDSM relationship PLEASE do not use this book as a guide. It can be VERY dangerous if not done correctly and safely. Communication is a HUGE FUCKING PART of a BDSM sexual relationship and it is simply not catered to in this book. There are tons of fanfiction authors on here and on AO3 who do BDSM justice. They write about safe words, aftercare, consent, all of it. Go find some of those instead of using this as a guide.
This is the final straw.
I have no issues with BDSM.
I do have a problem, though, with Fifty Shades of Gray. I have a problem with the fact that they are taking an abusive relationship-made worse by the fact that they are trying to portray an unhealthy BDSM one as normal-and romanticizing it. I have a problem with the fact Ana is being physically and psychologically abused all for the sake of being an object to Christian to do with as he pleases. I have a problem with the fact people see this relationship as being romantic.
Now, I’ve never read the books, and I never will. So forgive me if my facts are not 100% accurate.
What truly irks me about the entire franchise is the fact they are making a movie for it. And not only are they making a movie for it, but they are publicizing it everywhere:
I was listening to the Disney station on Pandora and there it was, romanticizing an unhealthy relationship ON THE DISNEY STATION ON PANDORA.
I was on YouTube listening to Elvis and there it was, romanticizing an unhealthy relationship ON YOUTUBE where any young, impressionable kid could stumble upon it.
I was at the movies with my friend and the screen flashed green, signaling the ad to be APPROPRIATE FOR AUDIENCES OF ALL AGES, then it began to play the ad. D’you wanna know the worst part? I could hear young girls cheering from somewhere behind me. Not only were they excited for this movie, but they thought “Christian Gray is soooo hot" and "I wish I could find a Christian Gray of my own!" I couldn’t believe my ears. I had turned around to look for them but the theatre was too dark already.
You see, I don’t have an issue with BDSM. I have an issue that they are forcing this unhealthy relationship down the throats of the younger, more impressionable generations.
The sad part is no one is going to do anything about it:
Men aren’t going to do jack shit because they think it’s “hot” to watch a woman be completely -and downright unhealthily- subservient to the sexual whims of another man.
Women aren’t going to bat an eye because they are so used to the media portraying them as walking, talking sexual objects—which no one in the mainstream media seems to think is WRONG—and plus “Christian Gray is soooo hot!”
And it’s only a movie so how much harm can it really be?
A whole fuckton, actually.
The older generations are fucked up. Our generation is less fucked up but still fucked up nonetheless. What about the next generation? Or the one after that? They haven’t even had the chance to decide what type of generation they want to be. Movies like this one (romanticizing violent, unhealthy relationships) are going to fuck up the next generations.
So when they watch these types of movies (which really shouldn’t even be in public theatres let alone get the funding it needs to be produced) no one is going to explain to them that that isn’t a healthy or normal or that women are sexual objects.
So good job society. Fucking up one generation after the next.
"When you don’t have anybody to take care of you, then you could go both ways: You could do whatever you want, or you could take charge and be your own parent."
Mads Mikkelsen Hannibal Season 2 Gag Reel
THERE’S TIMES WHEN I WANT A RUSTIC CABIN IN THE WOODS AWAY FROM ALL SOCIETY
THEN THERE’S TIMES WHEN I WANT A MODERN ASS HOUSE
THEN I’M LIKE I’LL ACCEPT NOTHING MORE THAN A VICTORIAN MANOR
THEN I WANT A PENTHOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF NEW YORK
THEN I WANT ONE OF THOSE HOUSE MADE OUT SHIPPING CONTAINERS
THEN I WANT A FRENCH CHATEAU
BUT I ALSO WANT A TREE HOUSE
AND A LITTLE COTTAGE ON THE OCEAN
HOUSES ARE SO COOL
If he wants me b r o k e n,
then I will have to be w h o l e.
The Avatar’s Training. Yes, this is the same group of people that end the Hundred Year War.
Harry Potter -> quotes
Muggleborns gifting their pureblood friends crocs as a joke, and telling them it’s “the highest quality of shoes muggles can make”. Purebloods wearing crocs when they go out into the muggle world, smugly thinking that people are staring because they admire the style and fashion. Lily Evans doing this to James Potter. Harry and Hermione doing this to Ron.
IMAGINE DRACO/RON SHOWING UP TO MEET HERMIONE’S PARENTS AND HE’S WEARING FUCKING LIME GREEN CROCS